I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
