i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
