dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
