is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
