i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
