You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
