so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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