I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
