Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
