is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Acid is not a monday night drug
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
