I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
