dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There are leaves in my underwear?
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