Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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