Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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