I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
