Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
