the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i would punch a child for taco bell
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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