Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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