dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
