I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
