We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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