why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
