I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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