I wish they made helmets for livers.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
