He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
