What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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