Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
