its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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