It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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