if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
