they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
