Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
