i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
