dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
