Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
