just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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