evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
