I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
