Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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