im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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