She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
