Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am one with the molecules
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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