He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
