My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
