careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
