You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
