Only a mothe r could love this liver
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
