I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
These tits shall not be calmed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
