the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
