Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
