and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
